Review by Ida Vega-Landow

This book has everything for the reader who loves horror, romance and historic fiction. It’s about Anne Boleyn, King Henry VIII’s second wife, for whom he created a whole new church just so he could divorce his faithful first wife, Katherine of Aragon, to marry her. The author supposes that when Henry got tired of Anne and had her convicted on a slew of made-up charges, among them witchcraft, she was not beheaded like a noblewoman, but hanged like a commoner. Or, as the blurb on the back cover of this fascinating book states, “The slightest tweak in history makes all the difference in the outcome…”

One of the ways of creating a vampire is for a person to die a sudden, violent death. Another is for the dying person to deny God with his or her last breath. So when Anne curses God and denounces Him on the scaffold just moments before the trapdoor opens beneath her feet, it allows her to come back as a vampire. And what a vampire! When she rises from her unmarked grave on the grounds of the Chapel of St. Peter ad Vincula, in the shadow of the Tower of London where she was executed, she looks like Lilly Munster; her long, black hair is streaked with white, to go with her pale skin and blood-red eyes. She finds a silver urn on her grave filled with week-old dead flowers from her lover, Thomas Wyatt, the man she would have married if Henry hadn’t fallen in lust with her. After reading the tender poem Thomas left tucked inside the urn, she decides to pay him a visit and walks all the way to his home, Allington Castle, with unnatural speed, which is only natural for someone in her condition, “for the dead travel fast”.

It doesn’t take long for Anne to make Thomas her first victim, after which, with his help, she raises the beheaded bodies of her brother George and her favorite musician, Mark Smeaton, both of whom were accused of committing adultery with her. George comes back as a zombie and Mark as a ghost; she sends Smeaton to play his ghostly violin in the halls of Whitehall Palace, the King’s resident, while she and her zombie brother visit their father at Hever Castle. After paying back Daddy Dearest, who wouldn’t defend her against the king’s false charges, by driving him mad with fear, she lays George to rest again, and then she and Smeaton proceed to haunt Whitehall Palace while Henry prepares to marry his third wife, Jane Seymour.

Anne has a good old time discovering her vampiric powers as she torments Henry by leaving daffodils, her favorite flower, all over the castle, usually spattered with blood, turning crucifixes and portraits of the king upside down, and attacking his favorites, like his chancellor, Thomas Cromwell, and Charles Brandon, the Duke of Suffolk. The only people she spares from torment are her sister Mary, who is taking care of her daughter Elizabeth (destined to become one of England’s greatest queens), and the new queen, Jane Seymour, after Mary tells her how Jane is trying to get Elizabeth restored to her place at court, along with the king’s eldest daughter Mary. But everyone else at court is fair game for Anne Boleyn, Tudor Vampire—especially her former husband, King Henry VIII.

This story is short, but intense. Horror is laden upon horror, like layers of fruit filling in a heavily iced, dark chocolate cake. The author displays a good knowledge of history and life during the Tudor period, though she does tend to lapse into anachronisms from time to time. Like when Anne discovers she is able to make drawbridges rise by mentally commanding it and comments that she was able to enter her father’s castle this way “without hassle”. There were also a couple of references to having sex as “getting your jollies”. Not very Tudorian, but quite droll. I suppose if Anne knows that she’s telling this story to a modern audience, her use of modern slang is understandable.

The author also displays a familiarity with instruments of torture that made me feel very uncomfortable, especially those intended for use on women, like the pear of anguish, the breast ripper, and the Judas Cradle. I haven’t been so grossed out since I toured the dungeon at the New York Renaissance Faire and saw the methods and instruments of torture they used back then, demonstrated on dummies. Disturbingly realistic dummies. But at least I had the satisfaction of seeing old Cromwell get his, which I didn’t get from reading any of Philippa Gregory’s Tudorian novels. Then again, this is made-up history, not the real thing, so anything goes, from raising your beheaded brother to calling up an army of zombies to lynch your worst enemy in his own backyard. I never saw Anne Boleyn so happy before in a fictionalized account of her life; as the late Vincent Price would say, “She’s so amusing.”

But all good things come to an end, as do all good books. And this one ends much too soon for me, just as Anne appears to Henry for the last time to take her bloody vengeance, only to be foiled by one whom she considered her ally from the beginning of her reign of terror. Having her reawaken in the present as a ghost was a nice touch, but was it really necessary to have a Boleyn family reunion, including the relatives who had wronged her? It would have been so much more poignant for Anne to haunt the halls of Whitehall Palace and/or Henry’s tomb for eternity. Not just Henry’s tomb, either; think how thrilling it would be for visitors to hear her spirit weeping over Queen Elizabeth’s tomb. My biggest beef with this book is the title; it should be “Anne Boleyn-Tudor Vampire”, so people will know right away exactly which Tudor is meant. (Remember “The Other Boleyn Girl”, her sister Mary, whom Henry also slept with?) I hope that the author will consider this minor change in future reprints. For now, any complaints or compliments should be directed to her website, which is: http://BloodTouch.Webs.com Long live the queen!

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Review by Ida Vega-Landow

As a longtime lover of Regency Romance, I thought I would hate reading this satirical version of “Pride and Prejudice”, after Seth Grahame-Smith finished adding his touch of Gothic Horror to the well-loved romantic classic. Surprisingly enough, it turned out to be readable; not only romantic, but funny! Especially in parts where Grahame-Smith expands upon Austin’s sometimes overblown prose to the point where you suspect him of having watched one too many episodes of “Month Python’s Flying Circus”.

Absurdity abounds in this book, where 18th Century England has been overwhelmed by a plague of zombies, transforming all the dead into carnivorous predators who attack at any hour of the day or night, forcing young ladies and gentlemen to learn martial arts in order to defend themselves and their people from the unmentionables, as they are politely called. But despite all the carnage taking place on England’s roads and in lonely places–sometimes even in one’s own drawing room, or in the kitchens, through a back door carelessly left open–there are still some traditionalists like Mrs. Bennet who firmly believe that it is a girl’s duty to be married. Her more practical spouse, after having his five daughters trained at a Shaolin monastery in China (how he can afford it on such a limited income from an entailed estate is never explained), believes their duty should be to battle the undead menace that threatens all England. Or as Austin/Grahame-Smith put it, “The business of Mr. Bennet’s life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs. Bennet’s was to get them married.”

The Reverend Collins, who winds up dumping the independent Elizabeth for her more passive friend Charlotte, comes off as even stupider than he was in the original book, as he is blissfully unaware that poor Charlotte, having been bitten by a zombie, is slowly turning into one of the undead. Upon learning of his daughter’s rejection of Collins and his wife’s displeasure thereby, Elizabeth’s father had me in stitches when he informed her that “Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do; for I shall not have my best warrior resigned to the service of a man who is fatter than Buddha and duller than the edge of a learning sword.”

In addition to the more purple prose, there are also the most delightfully gruesome illustrations, as well as a front cover showing a blood-spattered lady with half her face and part of her throat eaten away, her blood-red eyes giving away her zombified condition. The disagreeable Mr. Darcy has been transformed into a warrior, trained in the Japanese tradition, who admires the heroine’s Shaolin Chinese training as well as her dark eyes, while deploring the vulgarity of her family. This is enough to make Elizabeth determined to teach him a lesson, preferably at the point of her sword. The rest of the book is filled with accounts of their mutual sparring, verbal and physical, and frequently interrupted by hungry zombies, which they are forced to dispatch in a manner more appropriate to a low-budget horror film than a Regency Romance.

Yes, you’ll howl with laughter to see one of the classics of English Literature rewritten as a Gothic horror story. Even guys will enjoy this traditional Chick Lit novel, now that it’s been transformed into something they’d actually want to read, to quote the blurb on the inside cover. If you are squeamish or easily offended, by all means avoid this book. If you do choose to read it and are offended anyway, remember that it’s a satire, not to be taken seriously. But ardent Austin fans may be forgiven for hoping that Miss Austin rises from her grave in Winchester Cathedral to teach Mr. Grahame-Smith a painful and well-deserved lesson.

Mystic Investigators

Review by Ida Vega-Landow

Well, what do you know, here’s another collection of short stories by my homeboy Patrick Thomas! This one was published by Dark Quest Books instead of Padwolf, so you’re going to have to go to www.darkquestbooks.com and click on “Fiction” to get your hands on it. But it’s worth it, believe me! Within this slim volume are eleven tales of terror, most of them with a lighter side to leaven the horror. But not all of them. Be warned, you may find some of these stories a little too much for your psyche, especially if you’re the type who believes in government conspiracies about the paranormal—Area 51, men in black, the Jersey Devil, and so on. Our boy Patrick goes into some deep, dark waters here, the kind where a lot of creepy things are swimming beneath the surface, most of them eager to chew your legs off. But more often it’s just your mind they feed upon, infesting your imagination to the point where you’ll find yourself sleeping with a nightlight on, or keeping a flashlight under your pillow to investigate those strange noises you hear at night when you’re home alone.

You’ll find some old friends here from past publications, like Terrorbelle, the half-pixie, half-ogre warrior gal from Nemesis, Inc. In “Attack of the Trouser Snake”, which also appears in her own compilation, “Fairy With A Gun”, T-Belle takes on a private case for a friend of hers, who runs a hotel where the last five people who checked into room 914 all died mysteriously. It’s a locked room mystery, but the thing that’s doing the killing isn’t in the room. Something from outside is being brought in by one of the hotel’s employees. Which one? The least likely one on a short list of suspects, and that’s all I’m going to tell you.

“Cardiac Arrest” is a Department of Mystic Affairs case file, starring Agent Karver, who was once a serial killer in a past life. He couldn’t help it, he was possessed by a homicidal demon. (So the devil really did make him do it!) In this story, he and his partner, Agent Mandi Cobb (a lovely empath who reminds me of Counselor Troi on “Star Trek: The Next Generation”), are trying to find a heartless bank robber who can’t be killed. This guy has robbed fifteen banks in eight months, he’s been shot at in six of the robberies, even headshot twice, but he just walks away with the money. Why? I already told you he was heartless. It’s an old mage trick; remove your heart and hide it somewhere, then your body can’t be killed. Catching the robber is easy, finding his missing heart is something else. For the first, Karver has to be the bait and go into a gay bar to lure the guy out. For the second, he and Mandi have to do some heart-searching in the guy’s hometown, where a crooked coroner and a lonely little boy who’s being abused at home and bullied at school have both used the mystic powers of the criminal’s evil heart for revenge.

One of the most poignant stories is about Frankenstein’s monster, whom Patrick postulates is still among us, passing as a mortal. In “Spawn of Lightning”, which takes place during WWII, we learn that Captain Adam Frankenstein has lived quietly among the German people since WWI, even served as a decorated fighter pilot, which helps him pass off his many scars as war wounds. Seeing the Nazis rounding up the Jews and the Roma, along with the other “inferior” races, brings back bad memories of how he was once hunted and persecuted by torch-bearing peasants with pitchforks, who also wanted to kill him for being different. That’s why he’s now with the German Underground, helping to rescue people from the prison camps. One camp in particular interests him; that’s where, according to a drunken Nazi scientist he met at a bar, they’re putting together pieces of Jewish corpses in an attempt to duplicate his creator’s experiment. It seems the Nazis want to create a secret weapon, a super soldier to help them win the war. One that is strong, impervious to pain, able to kill many people at once. Frankenstein is determined to spare this new patchwork man the same suffering he has endured, knowing that if they are successful, the Nazis will create an entire army of patchwork men from the bodies of their victims, to commit mass slaughter in the name of the Fatherland.

I could go on and on about the other weird wonders from Patrick’s fertile imagination, like the fedora-wearing gorilla P.I. with a human brain, the high school student who discovers her favorite conspiracy theories are not only real but deadly, and yet another denizen of Murphy’s Lore, Negral, a forgotten sun god who acts as Hell’s Detective. He’s a real character, dresses like Humphrey Bogart and tends to burst into flame whenever he’s ticked off. But I’m not giving away any more freebies; you’ll just have to get your own copy of “Mystic Investigators” and savor it slowly, like hot chocolate on a dark and stormy night, with only one reading lamp on and the door doublelocked, preferably with the dog and/or your significant other asleep nearby. That way, if anything does get in, chances are it’ll go for one of them first.

Fairy With a Gun

Review by Ida Vega-Landow

Here’s a new book by my favorite male horror/fantasy author, whose body of work rivals Stephen King’s in volume. Unfortunately, he’s just a hometown phenomenon here in NYC, otherwise he’d be giving Mr. King a run for his money. And two for the show, as Patrick himself would undoubtedly add. Okay, so he’s addicted to corny puns. He’s also a bit careless about his spelling and grammar, and occasionally slips in his continuity. I try not to let little things like that bother me when I’m reading something I enjoy, and I do enjoy anything by Patrick Thomas, though it does bother me that he’s practically an underground writer. Maybe someday he will be given the respect and fame that he deserves. As well as a vigilant proofreader!

In the meantime, you can enjoy this latest collection of stories about Terrorbelle, the half-pixie, half-ogre who works as an agent of Nemesis, Inc., avenging wrongful deaths, punishing the guilty and protecting the innocent. I love Terrorbelle; she’s six feet tall and built like a brickhouse, with shoulders like a linebacker. She also has pink hair and pixie wings that are razor-sharp, which she usually keeps concealed under a hot pink trench coat. She’s one badass fairy gal and no bad guy or gal can stand up to her without getting knocked down like a bowling pin. Of the ten stories in this slim paperback volume, I found it hard to pick my favorites. Some of them were reprinted from Patrick’s past works. I enjoyed them just as much the second time around. But for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Terrorbelle—or T-Belle, as her friends call her—here’s a short rundown of her best adventures:

“Endgame” shows our badass fairy up against a real badass. A not unattractive woman whose face wouldn’t win any beauty contests, but who’s got a killer bod, and I mean that literally. In T-Belle’s own words, Badass’ posterior “could chew up other butts and spit them out”. You could say the lady has some issues with the male half of the human race. Most rape victims do. But how many rape victims go as far as dabbling in dark magic to get a Dark Maw attached to their hinder, so they can bite off whatever gets stuck in there? Badass does her Lorena Bobbitt bit on at least ten guys before T-Belle busts her ass, which tries to bargain with our heroine while it’s tied down waiting for the sun to come up and dissolve it like a bad dream. And you thought that comedian Jim Carey was the only one good at talking out of his ass!

“Up, Up, and Away” is about a relatively peaceful night spent at Bulfinche’s Pub, where Nemesis takes her agents for a bit of R&R after a particularly strenuous mission. Here we get to see T-Belle interact with the other gods and heroes of legend, as well as with her favorite human bartender, John Murphy. There’s a sad but sweet sideline about one of T-Belle’s coworkers Ganieda, the twin sister of Merlin, mage of Camelot, who runs into her old beau Sir Dagonet, King Arthur’s former jester, at Bulfinche’s. Dagonet, also known as the Infinite Jester, is a sweet little dwarf with snow-white hair and beard, like Paddy Moran, the leprechaun owner of Bulfinche’s. He has been a stable boy, a juggler, a jester, a knight, and a healer, a mystic power granted to him by the Holy Grail, the sacred relic of Christ that so many of Arthur’s knights tried to find and so few actually did. But one thing he’ll always be is Ganieda’s faithful knight, with or without shining armor.

As the only woman on King Arthur’s council, with power to rival her famous brother’s, Ganieda is a formidable mage, but in the face of true love she’s as helpless as any other woman. She and Dagonet have an on-again, off-again relationship; every time they meet, they’re drawn together like magnet and steel, even though they know they can never be together for all time. It’s just too dangerous for a hero and a mage to spend too much time together, where all their enemies would have an easy time finding them and trying to slay them. But like Katherine Chandler and Vincent in “Beauty and The Beast”, they know that even though they can never be together, they’ll never really be apart. Which also describes T-Belle’s relationship with Murphy, who likes her very much but is still too hung up on his late wife Elsie to think of her as anything but a friend. This doesn’t stop Murphy and T-Belle from working together to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

In “Paying The Pink Reaper”, T-Belle tells us about a lunch date with Murphy in Hell’s Kitchen, where she lives. Yes, T-Belle lives in Hell’s Kitchen, where the rents and life are cheap, but her own neighborhood is practically crime free, thanks to her one-woman security program (which most people would consider vigilantism; those of us from the hood prefer to think of it as DIYS, or Do It Yourself Security, since even the muggers there walk in pairs). While on his way to meet T-Belle, Murphy stops along the way to help a pregnant girl being attacked by a vicious girl gang. It turns out these skanks are the Pink Reapers, who serve the Bandearg Anbhas, or Pink Death, a female soul feeder from Faerie that sucks the life from her followers. As T-Belle explains to Murphy while he’s shielding the pregnant girl, “They try to have enough stupid people around them so their followers don’t die off too quickly. It’s not unheard of for them to demand the occasional sacrifice. What they do to them ain’t pretty.” As we soon see when the gangbangers sic a husk on them, a reanimated baby’s corpse that’s already had its soul eaten by the Bandearg Anbhas and turned into a vessel of her power. It’s the child of one of the gangbangers, who sacrificed her own baby for power, if you call being the leader of a girl gang in Hell’s Kitchen powerful.

Forced to take refuge in a tattoo parlor, whose owner flees when he learns the score, T-Belle and Murphy fight for the life of the mother and unborn baby in their own ways. She uses her warrior’s skills, acquired as a Daemor in Mab’s resistance army during a war in Faerie, to hold off the gangbangers, while Murphy grabs a tattoo gun and tries to change the Pink Death tattoo on the mother-to-be’s arm, to break the Bandearg Anbhas’ hold on her and her claim on the baby, before she can turn it into another husk.

“Dead In Red” is about a rapist-murderer who is a werewolf; he sets up women he meets in personal ads with an ad about fairy tale love, in which he offers to play the Big Bad Wolf to their Little Red Riding Hood. T-Belle co-stars in this one with Agent Karver from the Department of Mystic Affairs, who also appeared in “Empty Graves”. Somebody has to provide her with backup when she goes to meet Big Bad at Oma’s–a restaurant in the Village whose name means “grandmother” in German–wearing a sexy red dress and a red hooded cape, and carrying a picnic basket with her gun in it.

The last story in the book, “Girls Knight Out” (which should have an apostrophe after that “s”, Patrick!) teams T-Belle with Dagonet as he tries to find a missing Ganieda, who along with Nemesis and Rudy (aka Thrud, Thor’s Valkyrie daughter)) has been taken prisoner by a rogue demigod who eats babies. Murphy shows up to rescue her when she’s in over her head, literally, after she jumps into the Thames River to pursue the escaping cannibal demigod, forgetting that ogres can’t swim. Murphy has no magic, but he’s surprisingly resourceful, especially when there’s a friend in need. And while T-Belle can usually manage to take down a bad guy or gal by herself, she’s not ashamed to ask for or accept help when she needs it. A good thing too, because this particular bad guy has such strong magic that she needs a little help from her friends to defeat him.

Reading any of Patrick Thomas’ books is bound to brighten your day. Too bad they’re not available in stores yet. You’ll just have to go online to www.padwolf.com or www.patthomas.net to get your hands on “Fairy With A Gun”. Just be careful where you put your hands, ’cause those wings of hers are sharp enough to cut them off!

Dead And Gone

Review by Ida Vega-Landow

Once again I bring you a review about my favorite horror/fantasy author. I should say my favorite female horror/fantasy author, since my homeboy Patrick Thomas is still the man where that particular genre is concerned. Even Stephen King can’t hold a candle to Charlaine Harris or Patrick Thomas when it comes to describing things that go bump in the night and comparing them to the everyday horrors perpetrated by your fellow humans. Having delved into the psyches of vampires, werewolves, and witches in her past novels, in this novel Ms. Harris now features a supernatural species she has only mentioned in passing—fairies.

Sookie’s big brother Jason, the werepanther, (who was bitten, not born) actually begins to show signs of maturity this time around. He even defends his sister when the bigoted Arlene, who used to be her friend, lashes out at her after the Weres’ coming out broadcast, calling her “the weirdest, the most inhuman, of them all”, because of her close friendships with the supes. Well, between Sookie’s vampire ex-boyfriend Bill and her witchy roommate Amelia, who managed to turn her own boyfriend into a cat, Arlene does have plenty of reason for calling her weird. But Sookie isn’t trying to be weird. Weirdness just thrusts itself upon her. Like Eric Northman, sheriff of Area 5, Sookie’s little part of Louisiana, as well as owner of Fangtasia, the local vamp bar. Now that Bill’s out of the picture (Or is he? He sure spends a lot of time lurking around Sookie’s place after dark, supposedly “protecting” her from other supes), Eric wants to claim her as his woman. He’s in for a rude awakening when his chauvinistic expectations of traditional womanhood come up against Sookie’s independent nature. He also has to contend with Sookie’s latest ex, Quinn the weretiger, who still wants her despite her reluctance to take on a man with a mentally ill mother and an underage sister dependant on him.

Anyway, when we last left our mind reading heroine, she was still catching her breath from the violent takeover of the Louisiana vamps’ territory by the vampires of Nevada. Things have settled down and now all the vamp survivors have pledged loyalty to Felipe de Castro, the new vampire king of Louisiana and Nevada, whose life Sookie saved after he and Eric were attacked by a surviving bodyguard of Sophie-Anne Leclerq, the former vampire queen of Louisiana, who came down with a bad case of permanent death while she was still healing from the injuries she suffered at the vampire summit in Michigan. (Phew! Soap operas are simple compared to Sookie’s life in Bon Temps, Louisiana.)

Now that the vampires have come out to the human world, all the shapeshifters, or weres, wolf and otherwise, have decided to go public as well. So Patricia Crimmins, a member of the Shreveport Were pack headed by Alcide Herveaux, a former beau of Sookie’s, is chosen to go on the local evening news to announce their presence to the world. The broadcast is seen on the TV at Merlotte’s, the bar where Sookie works. As Patricia is changing into a wolf on live TV, Sookie’s boss Sam, a rare pure shapeshifter who prefers to turn into a collie, and another werewolf, Tray Dawson, the local auto mechanic, change shape right in the bar to let their friends and neighbors know that they’re shifters too.

Everybody at Merlotte’s seems to take it in stride except for one waitress, Arlene, her boyfriend Whit and his buddy, all members of the local Fellowship of the Sun, a quasi-religious organization which is opposed to vampires having the same rights as living people. Finding out that some of their friends and neighbors are more than human doesn’t make them happy; in fact, things get downright ugly before Arlene and the boys stomp out, calling down hellfire and damnation upon all shifters and people who associate with them, especially Sookie. Arlene isn’t the only one who doesn’t react well to the fact that some people are two-natured. Shortly before closing time Sam gets a call from his stepfather in Texas, telling him that he’s been arrested for shooting Sam’s mother, who’s also a shifter. So Sookie’s left in charge of the bar while Sam runs home to mama in Texas.

The following morning Sookie receives a visit from two FBI agents, who want to know how she was able to help the cops and firefighters rescue so many people from the rubble of the bombed hotel at the vampire summit last year. She can see in their minds that they suspect she is a psychic (which she isn’t; Sookie only reads minds, she doesn’t see the future) and they want to recruit her to help them track down criminals. While Sookie’s as patriotic as the next American, the last thing she wants to do is read the minds of psycho killers and terrorists for a living. While she and her roommates Amanda and Olivia (both witches) are stonewalling the Feds, another complication pops up; her brother Jason’s estranged wife, a werepanther, is found murdered behind Merlotte’s, nailed to a crucifix.

As if her life wasn’t complicated enough, Sookie also receives a visit from her great-grandfather Niall Brigant, who’s a real fairy. No, not that kind of fairy! One of the fae; his half-human son was the real father of Sookie’s late father and aunt. Fairies are an endangered species; there are a lot less of them in the world than there used to be. So you’d think they would welcome a few half-human additions to the family, to save their dying race from extinction. But it seems that the fae are divided into human lovers and human haters, and Niall, a real prince of a guy (and I do mean prince!), is now fighting a civil war with his nephew Breandan (an old Irish name, pronounced Bran-don), another fairy prince, who despises humans and humans with fairy blood. So her great-grandfather has come to Merlotte’s to warn Sookie about the fairy war and the fact that Breandan and his people are gunning for her, because she is a hybrid and kin to their greatest enemy. She receives similar warnings from her fairy godmother Claudine, who is Niall’s granddaughter, and Claudine’s twin brother Claud, both of whom have assimilated into the human world on account of all the internecine warfare between their sky clan and Breandon’s water clan.

So, in addition to the threat of being forcibly recruited by the FBI to help them track terrorists with her mind reading ability, our heroine now has to worry about being caught in the crossfire between two warring fairy clans. It’s Sookie Stackhouse vs. the Badass Fairies, and believe me, these fairies ain’t about sweetness and light! Even the good ones like Niall and Claudine prefer to hold themselves aloof from humans (except when an exceptionally attractive mortal catches their eye, resulting in the occasional hybrid), while the bad ones are as viciously racist as the members of the Fellowship of the Sun, who are also gunning for our girl. In fact, both the fairies and the FotS lay traps for Sookie, but only one of them catches her. She survives, but at a terrible price, one that will leave scars on her soul that not even vampire blood can heal. The only good things to come out of it is that she and her brother become closer as a result of the fairy war (she hasn’t been speaking to him since he set her up as a witness to his wife’s adultery, so he could be rid of her more easily). She and Eric become closer as well, though she has mixed feelings about that, not sure whether it’s his lovemaking, which is superb, or his blood, which he gives her to heal her injuries, which makes him so attractive to her.

As usual, the talented Ms. Harris creates a believable background for each supernatural species while never losing her sense of proportion. She helps us believe that there really are vampires, weres, and other unearthly beings living among us, with a touch of humor to alleviate the fear of the unknown. It makes you look forward to the return of “True Blood”, the HBO series based upon her earliest novels, this summer. I like it, despite the many liberties the scriptwriters have taken with Ms. Harris’ characters (like making Tara, Sookie’s best friend, black instead of white). People who only know Sookie Stackhouse from the TV series should make a point of checking out the first two books, so they can stay abreast of the series in case they miss an episode or two. If you’ve come this far in Sookie’s world, I urge you to keep on reading; this latest novel is a satisfying summer read, as well as a worthy addition to the rest of Ms. Harris’ works.

Turn Coat

Reviewed by Lauren Lapinski

A wizard accused of a crime he claims not to have committed, a creature of myth and nightmare on the loose in Chicago, a traitor amongst the White Council of wizards, and only one man in the phone book who is willing to take it all on. Combine these elements together and you get Turn Coat. The eleventh book in The Dresden Files series, Jim Butcher once again delivers a story full of wit, hilarity, evil doer ass kicking, and plenty of spell casting to go around. From the first chapter all the way to the end of the novel, you are brought directly into the story, all the while trying to figure out who is the true traitor on the White Council.

The pacing of this novel is perfect, not once is the reader lost or confused (except at times when Harry himself is confused) and as it has always been, every character is true to themselves through and though. The actions scenes are brilliantly told with a final confrontation that can only be best described as Epic. The characters actually come off as being real people you can actually relate too, including the supernatural ones such as the vampire Thomas, and you actually get to see their flaws and character development play out as the story goes on. Their reactions are realistic to the point that the reason why they do what they do is something the reader can actually see happening if the situation in the story were real. Characters also aren’t simply “good” or “evil”, you get to see the light side and dark side of most of the characters and very few, if any at all, run into the basic pure good/pure evil without any rhyme and reason as to why the are what they are. The White Council is the best example of this, the rules of how the White Council runs things tends to border on extreme at a lot of points, but there is often an underlying reason as to why the rule is the way it is.

Best of all, a lot of the theories behind the working of the spells and magick wielding is actually explained! You don’t get some spell out of nowhere that doesn’t have any sort of reasoning behind how it works and why. You also get to read about creatures that come from actual folklore. The monster or baddie actually has an identity and once again, has some reason (as psychotic as it usually is with villains) for why it does what it does.

For those of you who have given up on adult geared Urban Fantasy novels, The Dresden Files series is the one that will restore your faith in the genre for unlike most in the genre, the series actually manages to have an actually plot and the author clearly cares about his character. You also don’t have to worry about those pesky random sex scene that make no sense (Former Anita Blake fans will know what I’m talking about.) since every book stays true to its characters and its storyline. I do suggest that if you do decide to check out this series, to start out with the first novel, Storm Front. While Turn Coat is an amazing book, newbies to the series may get lost and may not be familiar with the various characters and what their significance is in the series.

The Missing

Review by Budd

This Bram Stoker award winning novel is Sarah Langan’s sophomore effort and follow up to her first novel The Keeper. The Missing follows the citizens of Corpus Christi, Maine, as they are infected and destroyed by an ancient evil.

The plot for this novel is actually pretty decent. A more supernatural look on a zombie type infection. It seems like a fairly unique story. The pacing came off as a little slow. The reader knows that there is something strange and evil going on, but it takes forever to get there. Once it does, it is a fairly fun ride.

The weakness of this novel is its characters. Langan tends to rely strongly on stereotypes. All the males are distant, womanizing, abusive, chauvinists, and all the women are submissive, dependent, weak, and conniving. Because of the cliched characters, the reader is inundated by references to their stereotypes. The only thoughts running through the mind of the angsty teen daughter are of global warming and losing her virginity. The preteen boy can only think of video games. A result of the author’s characterizations are that the reader doesn’t really care about any of the characters.

There are plot holes and I wish the author would have done some simple research on the military, as almost anything to do with the military in this novel is completely wrong. The author doesn’t really answer any lingering questions at the end. It was like she was setting it up for a big reveal and then forgot to include that in the book.

Overall it was an interesting book. As the author continues to grow and develop, I look forward to seeing some pretty good books. If you are a hard core horror fan you might want to skip on this, but casual horror fans should really enjoy it.

Death Note 2 – The Last Name

Review by Ginger Mayerson

Yes…yessss…yes. I saw “Death Note 2 – The Last Name” at Anime Expo in 2007 and have been totally jonesin’ to see it again ever since. I have waited and the wonderful folks at VIZ Media have granted my wish in a big way. Death Note 2 was and I remembered it and completely worth the wait. It has everything, including lots of cheesecake and bondage.

The story picks up where Death Note 1 left of, which is to say where the unspeakably cute Misa Misa is saved and a Death Note drops out of the sky. We learn, as she does after she picks it up, that this Death Note comes with a dulcet-voiced, silky blue and white God of Death named Rem.

Now, before I’m swept away by digressions on Misa Misa’s clothes, which are awesomely cute, let me say a few words about the actors who voice the Death Gods. As we know from Death Note 1, and the indispensable Internet Movie Data Base, Light Yagami’s Death God is named Ryuuk and he’s voiced by the wonderful Shido Nakamura with much humor and percussion. He’s like a snare drum, filling in the flat parts. The character design, both character designs, are so over the top, it’s a relief to have amusing dialogue. Rem, on the other hand, is smooth, like whipped cream and sexy in the way he hovers over the adorable Misa Misa and her misadventures with Light Yagami in his (Light’s) pursuit to rule the world and her pursuit to get him to date her. Rem does more than hover over Misa, he threatens to kill Light if he harms her. I kind of think Ryuuk would rather be Misa’s Death God because he was so fascinated by her cooking show in Death Note 1. Actually, Rem gets all the girls in this film, not that it does him much good later on. The amazing thing, to me at least, is that Rem is voiced by Peter. I believe I read that Peter is or was a famous transvestite cabaret dancer. I mention this because the last time I saw Peter in anything, (which is when I read this charming fact or factoid) it was in Akira Kurosawa’s “Ran,” where he was utterly brilliant as the Fool. At the time, 20+ years ago, I thought this was a wonderful casting decision, and I still think so. (There are many reasons to see “Ran,” Peter is just another one. I think he was cuter, or as cute in “Ran” as Misa Misa is in the “Death Note” movies. Yes…yessss…) Like Nakamura, Peter’s voice performance makes the Death God a believable and even sympathetic character. Bravo the casting director. Bravo Peter and Nakamura.

Everyone is good in this sequel. (Or is it a continuation? It feels like a mere scene change between Death Note 1 and where this starts.) The biggest weakness in Death Note 1 was Light’s girlfriend, who was onscreen almost all the time, but didn’t really have a role, except as a plot point at the end of the film. The policemen and policewomen have more to do and are more developed characters in Death Note 2. Light’s father is as strong and fatherly as ever. Light’s sister gets to do some screaming and crying, which is more than she got to do in Death Note 1. And I must say, she does a fine job with that screaming and crying. Light’s mother is as much of a sweet nonentity as ever. She does have a good moment when Light brings Misa home and mama is the only one who recognizes her. Watari is still as wonderful as ever.

But the true stars in Death Note 2 are still Light and L, and we get significantly more L, which is all to the good. Their first scene is in L’s space age bachelor pad/command center/confinement complex. Light is ushered in and finds L playing solo chess. Uninvited, but unopposed, Light joins the game and over a game speed-chess (as only super geniuses play it) they spar as to whether Light is really Kira, the name given to the mysterious lethal force ridding the world of criminals by mysteriously killing them with mysterious heart attacks. It’s a pretty sexy conversation, and one of the best scenes in the film. Right up there with L meeting Misa and, seemingly, being completely swept away by her. Heh heh heh. And of course L eats sweets and drinks milk tea with sugar non-stop in this film, too.

The English dub is very very good, but one would expect nothing less than excellent from a VIZ Media product.

Recommended.

Oh! Bondage and cheesecake, sorry, I almost forgot. All the girls in Death Note 2 are cute and some of them are sexy. One character becomes progressively more sexy and wears fewer clothes as she uses the Death Note under Rem’s gentle tutelage. Of course Rem doesn’t notice how hotcha she’s becoming, he’s mainly worried about what a mass murder she’s become. Rem wonders aloud to her if she ever runs out of people to kill, and she says, no. The cheesecake bondage is mainly when Misa is held and questioned in L’s complex. Some of those scenes are amusing, but I’m afraid the charm of a skinny chained up schoolgirl in a raggedly muslin shift is lost on me. Even after she’s released into the relative freedom of living in luxurious apartments with Light (oh, shocking), she’s on an ankle chain. Light isn’t on an ankle chain due to working very closely with L. Oh, and L has cameras everywhere including watching the Light and Misa love nest. Perv. More pervy is that the confinement rooms are next to L’s living room/conference room and panels slide back on one-way glass so the subjects can be watched in real time. Misa is chained up in her skimpy outfit for weeks. Light is chained up in a track suit for not quite as long. Why? you ask, well, I’ll tell you: this bondage/confinement is to prove positively that neither of them are Kira because if they are being monitored/filmed 24/7, the couldn’t possibly mysteriously kill anyone with a mysterious heart attack. High tech voyeurism is big in both Death Note films, for those of you who like that kind of thing. If Light had been chained up in a speedo, I might have found that more interesting. Alas, no point in musing on something that never happened.

Death Note 2 is also a little sad. Characters I liked died, characters I liked were made very sad, sometimes their lives were ruined. We also got to see Light’s genius and warmth when he was not possessed by the Death Note and doing evil things with it. So it was extra sad when the Death Note got its hooks in him again. Sad, very sad. But Death Note 2 is also amazing and delightful, even though, in the end, success comes at a very high price for the surviving main characters. The good must sacrifice so the bad can be punished, that no one can deny.

Definitely recommended.

(Sorry, Tom, I’m keeping this one. I’ll lend it to you if you want to review it, but you have to give it back.)

Previously on J LHLS:

Death Note 1, by Ginger Mayerson

Death Note 1 (Movie), by Tom Good

Death Note manga:

Death Note, vol 10, by Tom Good

Death Note, vol 1 and 2, by Tom Good

Seize The Night

Review by Linda Yau

In a world that reminds me of various vampire series, Seize The Night is book seven in Kenyon’s Dark Hunter series. This book features Tabitha Deveraux, a human who lives in New Orleans and owns a sex shop. By night, she is a experienced hunter of vampires and Damions.

One night, she encounters Valerius Magnus, a shunned Dark Hunter and their relationship develops. Valerius has ample reason to avoid Tabitha. She is the twin sister of his mortal enemy’s wife. During Valerius’s mortal life, he was a Roman general, whose family had murdered Kyrian during his own mortal life.

Dark Hunters are immortal warriors, that sold their souls to the Greek goddess Aretmis for revenge. They protect mankind from Daimons who feeds on human souls. Daimons are originally from the Apollite, a race cursed by the Greek god Apollo, who must live on blood, and die a painful death.

As a light read, Seize The Night is quite easy to digest as a stand alone paranormal romance story. Because it is being part of a larger series, readers may be drawn to the other books in the series. There are going to be some terms that are known, and the author has a website that explains more about the series. There are recurring characters, and if there is to be a chronological reading order, then Seize The Night should be the tenth book in a series of what is currently at 25 books.